Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Unfortunate Bedazzler Accident: Celine Dion Concert Review

I went to a Celine Dion concert last night. I know. I applied a thick Teflon Wilco coating prior to exposing myself to Celine, in hopes of reducing the risk of musical infection.

Not being a Celine Dion fan, I didn't purchase tickets to the sold-out concert. But yesterday afternoon, an acquaintance called and offered me his tickets, as he wasn't able to attend. They were floor seat tickets, priced at $167.00 each plus fees and taxes. I accepted the offer, took his $400.00, and Courtney and I navigated our way downtown through oppressive traffic to hear the Titanic theme.

The first thing I noticed was that there were few straight men at the concert and those few looked as if they'd been dragged there kicking and screaming by their Celine-loving wives. Courtney and I were seated on the floor, near the back and center. We were, by far, the youngest two in our section. It's odd attending a concert where the man next to you smells like arthritis ointment. At least he said that I looked like Courtney's sister, instead of her mother. True, my mom would look like a spring chicken to that fella, but I don't care. I'm taking the compliment because it is true! ;)

Celine was actually a very gracious performer. She was comfortable with her banter and honestly put on a great show. The only problem was that she must have had a terrible bedazzling accident backstage, because the crotch of her pants was covered in rhinestones. It was truly odd. It was like, "Woo Hoo! Looky here! Yes, right down here! That's right. Check out my sparkly PoPo!" I've heard of vaginal rejuvenation, but sheesh. As we left the concert, Courtney actually said, "I didn't WANT to look at her crotch, but it was so sparkly!"

The musicians were good; the violinist, in particular. The only song of Celine Dion's that I've ever really liked is To Love You More. I got chills last night during that song, the violinist was so good. Overall, I was impressed. I went in thinking I'd dislike the concert, but I enjoyed myself. And Courtney loved it. Enjoying her enjoyment was the best part of the evening.

In spite of my Teflon Wilco coating, I did catch just a bit of an infection last night from Celine. I've been singing To Love You More all day.

"Believe me! I will make you see all the things that your heart needs to know! I'll be WAAAAITING for yoooou, here inside my heart! Let me be the one to loOOOve you mo-oh-oh-ore! Can't you see I can give you EVVVVERYTHING you neeeeeed!? Let me be the one to Love. You. More! Ohhh, oh, oh, ooooooooooooh, OOOOOhhhhooooooOOOOhhh, oh, oh!"

When I do the "oooOOOOhhh" part, Tarzan's hair along his spine stands up just a little. I think that means he likes it.

"I drove all niiiiiight to get to you. Is that all right?"

I am infected. Help?

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